I was terrible about keeping record of our conversations over the past four months, so a lot of these were pulled from my Facebook timeline. I promise I will be better over the next few months! I put these posts together not only for your entertainment, but so that I have record of the funniest parts of our relationship.
If you read my last Welcome to Married Life post, I have an update for you. I purchased Eggos for Joe and while I still feel like they are different than waffles, they are delicious! I almost feel like they're a more pastry like feel than the waffles that I make though, they're crispy and airy and so perfectly yummy! They became a staple in our household because they're quick, easy and I know that everyone will eat them.
Toward the begin of the year, Joe got the flu and spent three days flat on his back, quarantined to the couch in the basement because Emmy was still so little and I couldn't afford for any of the rest of the family to get sick. The irony of the situation was, the first day that he was sick was the observed holiday for New Years this year, so the night before he'd been asking me if he could cash in on a coupon that I'd given him for Christmas a few years before and sleep on his entire day off. I told him no.... so he had to get the flu in order to do that... for three days straight.
Postpartum hair loss is not something that I look forward to, and neither does Joe. One night when Bensen had found a "mom hair" on his pants, Joe said, "Sometimes I wonder who's the one balding in this house. Is it me or you?" I think I dread postpartum hair growth more though. The little hairs on my hairline are all poking straight forward at the moment.
Me: "Can you put those dry dishes away for me?"
Joe: "I don't know where that one goes."
Me: "Oh, I can show you."
Joe: Picks up dish and puts it where it goes without me showing him anything.
We have a snowblower, but I had no clue how to turn it on, so every time it snowed and I had to go somewhere on a day when Joe was working, I would shovel the driveway instead. One night before a big snowstorm was predicted to hit, Joe looked up a YouTube video of a snowblower like ours so that he could show me how to start ours without having to get out of bed or go out in the cold garage!
Joe calls me wife and Bensen has picked up on the habit... If I disappear and Bensen can't find me, I hear him walking through the house yelling, "WIIIIFE!"
Joe about his breakfast one morning when I shared some of my delicious slow cooked oatmeal, "How do I explain this? Oatmeal is like cake. I'd never make it for myself but if someone hands it to me, I'll eat it." I told him that I will eat all of his cake for him because if you can't truly appreciate cake, you probably don't deserve it.
I told Joe that for Valentine's day, I wanted help cleaning and organizing our basement. The next day it flooded.... We have since relaid the carpets, gotten them cleaned, and are in the process of organizing everything in the most effective way.
After a very exhausting toddler day, "Now I know why people buy starter homes. Because their kids destroy it."
This one needs a little backstory... The week that I decided to start Emmy on formula and wean off of pumping, I also ran out of chocolate, which is bad news for a hormonal woman with emotional eating tendencies. After date night that Saturday, Joe and I stopped at the grocery store and I purchased a package of my favorite cookies. I told Joe that he could pick some cookies too, but he didn't want any. Monday night, I discovered that there was only one cookie left in the package and I had a little dramatic fit (mostly joking of course) about the fact that Joe had eaten all of my cookies and he hadn't even wanted any in the first place. He reassured me that he'd only eaten three, and after checking the serving size and servings per package information, the following occurred:
Me: (loudly) "Are you saying that I ate 17 cookies?!?!"
Joe: "I'm just saying that I only ate three total and then this third of one that I just gave you the rest of."
Me: "How in the world did I eat 17 cookies in less than 48 hours?!?!" *walks into the other room* "Oh, the windows are open..."
Joe: "Now all of the neighbors are going to be talking about the things that we fight about."
Joe: "When we get a divorce, they'll know why. Alimony will be paid in cookies."
Me: *laughing even harder*
Joe: "Say 'Lovely wife'"
Bensen: "Fluffy wife!!!"
Joe: "Well that backfired..."
Me trying to console Emmy when she got frustrated that I made her switch sides while nursing, "Just a minute, I'll give it back, I promise."
Joe: "How would you like it if somebody walked off with your pizza while you were eating it and said, 'I'll give it back!'?"
On April Fools day, I had an idea for a little prank to pull on Joe, but when I woke up that morning, I saw a FB post of a joke that one of my friends had pulled a few years back and knew that I needed to do that instead. I set up a new Google voice number, researched the topic that I wanted to harass Joe with and "subscribed" him to the text message service aka, my clever self.
Joe came home from work that day complaining that his brother signed him up for some random thing that was sending him text every hour. He also said that he would have enjoyed it if the facts were funny, but they were lame. I didn't have much time to come up with good facts, I just pulled what I could find from a quick internet search. I was upstairs when he sent the "STOP" text and was so excited because I'd been waiting to use that response all day. When I went downstairs a few minutes later, I said, "If I make the poop texts stop, can we get something really yummy for dinner?" I think he was surprised that it was me, and that I was the one actually sending texts, that I hadn't just set him up with some random facts texting service. He also did note that my response to his request for the texts to stop was pretty good.
Some couples fight over the remote because they both want to be in charge of it. We fight over the remote because neither of us wants it but we both want to watch a show....
Joe turned a 90's music video playlist on on YouTube one night and had it playing on the TV while we cleaned. He told me, "If we had dated in high school, this is what we would have done." (This being sit on the couch and watch 90's music videos.)
How is your 2017 going so far?