The Man I Didn't Even Know I Needed

In the seven years that I've been married to Joe, I've realized that there are things that I needed in a husband and didn't even know I needed. I think that it could have been a disaster if I'd gotten a man who fit that perfect profile I was envisioning because some of the things I listed weren't really a good match for my personality or really didn't matter in the grand scheme of life.

Luckily, I found the man who possesses qualities that I really needed. Joe is the perfect man for me. I fell in love with him for who he is and I fall more in love with him every year that we are married. He's the perfect match for me on every level. Whether we're out on a date laughing together or working our way through one of our trials in life, he compliments me and helps make us the good team that we are.

qualities to look for in a spouse

Qualities That I Needed in a Spouse

I've learned that...

I needed a man who didn't live for sports (or really even like them). I dated a few guys who let basketball/soccer/baseball/football games run their life. If a game was on, they were watching it and you couldn't bug them for anything or expect them to go anywhere that didn't have a TV playing the game. Joe couldn't care less about sports and it's kind of nice. Politics are his sports, so I do have to deal with something similar every four years, but that I can handle, even if it means planning our days at Disneyland around the debates.

I needed a man who was patient and not quick to fight with me. Joe deals with a lot being married to me. I can be very impatient, grumpy and emotional when I'm stressed, hormonal or hungry. Grumpy Wife is my alter ego (properly named by Joe) and when she comes to visit, nobody's happy. I'm so lucky to have a man who refuses to argue when I try to pick a fight and who will laugh or try to calm me down instead. He's not quick to anger, and on the rare occasion that he does get upset with me, I know that I've really crossed the line. Sometimes I hate that he is happy and optimistic when I'm in the mood to wallow and have a pity party, but I'm also grateful for it because I know it's good for me.

I needed a man who was frugal and not afraid to tell me no when I want to spend money. My parents taught me a lot of good things about money, but I didn't put them into practice like I should have. Being married to Joe, I've learned a lot about saving, paying off debt with gazelle intensity, and smart spending. He always encourages me to wait before I purchase anything and we are usually able to find the things we want on clearance or a really good sale. Being accountable to each other has made me more responsible and I think twice about whether or not I really need or want something before I buy it. I was able to complete my degree without taking out student loans, and we have a lot more freedom in our budget every month because we think smart about how we're using our money.

I needed a man who knows how to work hard but also how to relax and be lazy. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to be busy and I have a hard time slowing down. You'll rarely find me sitting around doing nothing, I always find a project to work on. Joe can easily spend 12 hours a day mowing lawns, landscaping or working on house projects, but also knows when to sit and do nothing but relax and enjoy life. He's slowly (and I mean slowly) teaching me to do the same. I'm learning to take time to recuperate from the hectic pace of life, and enjoy doing nothing together.

I needed a man who is a talker, but also knows how to listen. I'm a talker, but so is Joe. He can actually out talk me a lot of the time, and anyone who knows me well knows that is no small feat. Being married to Joe has taught me how to listen, not only because he likes to talk about things, but because he's a great example of listening quietly and letting a person talk.

I needed a man who could make me laugh. One of Joe's greatest talents is his ability to turn my frown upside down, usually when I would rather wallow and be upset. He can find humor in any situation and brings me back to reality whenever I start to get too upset or overthink things. This reality check usually comes in the form of a joke that helps me see the big picture and lightens the mood. He also tells the funniest jokes, and especially loves dad jokes.

I needed a man who knows how to have fun. Sometimes I get too serious about life and Joe always shows me how to have fun and enjoy myself. He jokes with people on a daily basis and isn't afraid to be himself. I especially love watching him play with our kids. He's spontaneous and care free and not afraid to get dirty.

the perfect man

Joe is good for me and I am glad that I married who I did. Never once have I looked at him and thought that I married down or settled. I definitely married up and he encourages me to be a better person every single day. He's not afraid to call me out when I'm not doing everything I could but he's also great at pointing out the things I am doing well. I married one amazing man!

What qualities does your husband have that you weren't necessarily searching for but that you really needed and appreciate?

Your "ideal spouse" list might be missing some important qualities.