When was the last time that you did something spontaneous, random and kind for your spouse? I’m talking about random acts of kindness of course! Acts of service is my love language, so RAOK are something that I love doing frequently. I’m always looking for ways that I can help my husband out with something that he needs to have done or surprise him in some way. Random acts of kindness can be done anonymously or you can let the person know that it was you who served them. I know a lot of couples have traditions of serving each other a little more than normal around holidays or birthdays or when their spouse is really busy but you don’t need an excuse to do these RAOK!
Whether you’re looking for ways to be a little extra nice to your spouse on a regular basis, if you want to go above and beyond for a period of time or if you are trying to make amends for something you’ve done, there will be at least one, hopefully more, thing on this list that your spouse will appreciate. Pick the things that rings true to you, your relationship and your spouse and have fun!
Random Acts of Kindness for Your Marriage
Polish their shoes - I sit in church every Sunday and think about how Joe’s shoes need to be polished, but then they go back in his closet after we get home and it’s forgotten about until the next week when we’re sitting in church again. This is a task that’s low on Joe’s priority list, but one that I know he appreciates having done. I’ve added this task to my to do list every couple of months as a reminder to myself because the little details matter.
Buy their favorite treat - Whenever I’m at the grocery store, I pick up a snack or a treat or another food item that I know Joe enjoys. I’ve especially made this a priority now that he’s gluten free and misses a lot of his favorite foods. This is when knowing your spouse’s favorites can come in handy! If they mention they like a specific candy, flavor of chip or random snack item, make a mental note or add it to a master note on your phone. This makes it easier to surprise your spouse with something they don’t always get when you’re out at the store.
Clean their car - Last weekend I took my preschooler out with me to clean daddy’s car and he had the time of his life! I’d been noticing that Joe’s car needed some serious TLC for the last few months and he would always mention how dirty it was as well. I took the vacuum, a dust cloth, a garbage bag and sanitizing wipes. I had a strange sense of satisfaction when I’d finished and Joe’s been hinting that I should drive his truck a few times so I get the urge to clean it as well. I think he appreciated that half hour of work I did on his vehicle.
Leave them a love note - I love leaving simple love notes where I know my husband will find them. Next to his toothbrush, in his lunchbox, in his car or with my kids. Your love note can be simple, one or two sentences or you can go all out and take up an entire sheet of paper.
Take something to the dry cleaners - A lot of these ideas come from personal experience and this is one of them. Every Sunday for months, Joe would make comments about wanting to take his suit to the cleaners during the week, but then he’d forget about doing it until the next week when he was wearing the suit again. One week when he mentioned it, I made a note in my planner. When I was running errands a few days later, I took the suit with me and took five minutes to drop it off, then pick it up later in the week. Again, simple but it can make a huge difference to your spouse.
Make their favorite meal or grab their favorite takeout - Another reason to know what your spouse loves is so that you can add their favorites to your meal plan. I also love being able to randomly stop for takeout and know what my husband would want to eat so I don’t have to guess or try to track him down for his order.
Run an errand for them - Make your spouse’s life a little easier by taking something off their plate. I’ve found that a lot of times I can tack one of Joe’s errands onto mine or vice versa it isn’t a burden on me but it helps him out a lot!
Compliment them in front of family - You’ve probably heard that you shouldn’t talk negatively about your spouse to your family or theirs. Have you ever thought to talk them up to their loved ones instead? Share a story of something amazing they’ve done recently or talk about a quality of theirs that you admire. Find something positive to say about your spouse on a regular basis and share that with the ones that your spouse loves most.
Share something you’re proud of them for - Similar to letting those around you know that your spouse is awesome, you can share something your spouse has done that you are proud of. You might choose to share this only with your spouse, either in a love note or in person. I always love to see couples tooting each other’s horns on social media and shouting from the rooftops what an amazing human they are married to. Or, similar to the tip above, you could share those accomplishments with your friends and family at a get together.
Take care of one of their daily tasks - If your house is like ours, you and your spouse each have your own unspoken “chores” that you do each day/week in your home. Ours have shifted depending on our stages in life, but we know what the other person does around the house from day to day. During the holidays, when Joe was working long hours, I always made a point to take all of the garbage and recycle out and put the bins at the curb. A lot of those tasks only take a few minutes, but not having to take care of them after a long day, or after any day, can be a huge relief for your spouse.
Put their laundry away, the way they like it - Another from my personal life idea, this is something that I personally would always appreciate! Early on in our marriage, Joe and I learned that we fold and hang our laundry very differently. If you open our dresser drawers or our closets, they look very different, from the way our socks are put away (mine are in pairs and his are all in a row because they’re all the same) and our clothes are organized. Whenever I put laundry away, I put mine away the way I prefer and Joe’s away the way he prefers. It’s the simple things that make all the difference!
Heart attack their bed - I love this act of kindness because it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort. You can purchase some pre-cut hearts from the store and tape them up on the wall above your spouse’s nightstand and across their side of the headboard. or you can cut your own and write reasons that you love them on each one before putting them up.
Participate in something they love - Does your spouse ever ask you to participate in their hobby or watch their favorite movie? Instead of expressing disinterest, try enthusiastically agreeing once in a while. Don’t just go along for the ride, immerse yourself in what they love. If your spouse has a specific topic they love, or an activity that they like to do often, or a favorite show they’ve been wanting you to watch with them weekly, let them know that you’re on board. Listen to what they have to say, ask questions, and show true interest in whatever it is that they love. For me, this might be politics. Joe will often ask if I’ve heard about a current event in the political world and most often I haven’t, but I ask him questions and do my best to understand the situation he’s telling me more about.
Make them lunch and include a love note - Joe takes leftovers from the previous nights dinner for his lunch almost every single day. If there aren’t leftovers, he’ll go out to eat. He never minds those lunch options, but every once in a while, I like to make him a sandwich or pull together some other things from the fridge to create a hearty lunch. Whether your spouse works or stays home, you can treat them with a homemade meal and slip a note into their lunchbox or onto the plate with their food. Writing your note on a napkin or in the skin of fruit is fun!
Random acts of kindness are a great way to remind your spouse that they are important to you and let them know how much you love them! Like I mentioned in the beginning of the post, tailor these acts of kindness to fit your marriage and your spouse. These are all ideas, a lot of them based on my own marriage and spouse. I hope they gave you the creative spark you needed to come up with some of your own RAOK as well!
P.S. The super cute printables in this post are from Nichelle Lora Designs! They are part of the Ultimate Marriage RAOK Kit was that included in a bundle of amazing marriage products that I got last year. I'm glad that I finally printed it off and am putting it to use.
Photography by Sadie Banks Photography