When Amberly contacted me for a May collaboration, I was stoked! She is one of my favourite marriage bloggers and is such an inspiration in keeping her marriage a priority. My husband and I are non-religious after having begun our relationship as Roman Catholics. Today, we thought it might be fun to talk about what living our marriage vows looks like from our VERY different religious perspectives and how we live our vows in our every day.
My husband and I met at a Catholic high school. We were both heavily steeped in Catholicism; my husband was even an altar boy. We spent our Saturday nights fulfilling our weekly church requirement sitting beside each other in the pews. Five years later, the church that we once loved, just didn’t feel right to us; so we left religion together.
Fast forward years later and we finally got engaged, but we had a conundrum. My dreams of a Catholic wedding were obviously off the table because they have strict rules about living with each other before marriage BUT I didn’t want a cold and sterile Justice of the Peace to marry us either. I wanted to get married in a church, because it was important to me to stand in the same spot that hundreds or even thousands of other people have stood where I was standing making the same vows that we would make. We had the best compromise, we got married in an Anglican church by a female priest. It made my non-religious heart AND the small part of my heart that still loves the tradition of church happy.
Will you give yourself to your spouse to be her spouse: to love, comfort, honour and protect, and forsaking all others, to be faithful so long as you both shall live? I take you to be my spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish for the rest of our lives. This is my solemn vow.
Even after being together for 13 years, exchanging our vows in front of our favourite people changed something in our relationship for the better.
Our relationship revolves around the 4 C’s:
Communication is vital to my marriage. It allows me to live my wedding vows daily. We have regular date nights to continue to learn about each other and to show each other that we cherish and want to protect our relationship. We have daily check-ins sitting on the couch drinking tea after a long day of work so that we can be a comfort to each other. We know our love languages, so that we can love each other how we need to feel loved.
Our commitment to each other has no strings attached. We aren’t together because of a rule or commitment to a religion. We are committed to each other because we genuinely love each other and realize that marriage is easy but that doesn’t mean life is easy. We can’t just throw away our relationship because life is hard. We honour and protect our relationship because our vows that we made to each other mean something to us.
I may have shed my religion but that doesn’t mean I threw out my core values. Family, relationships and loyalty are our core values. Quality time together keeps our relationship number one. We let our core values guide us to loving each other, protecting our relationship and staying faithful to each other.
Consideration, in other words respect is HUGE for us. It means choosing our words carefully with each other and in front of others because we want to always honour each other. We acknowledge each others contributions to our marriage and household. We honour each other's boundaries and protect our marriage from outside influences. We admit we’re wrong, when we are.
Although we’re not guided by religion in our marriage, we’re still 100% committed to making our marriage awesome because 75 years with each other is a LONG time and we want to make the best of our time together. We value what each other brings to our relationship and what it will bring to our future. We work on our marriage daily because our vows mean something.