Over the weekend, I saw a few posts on Instagram sharing "bad day" moments from life and jokingly referring to them as "divorce list" moments. I giggled a little bit at the first one, but after I saw a few more posts of separate moments on the same day all referencing this "divorce list" concept, I started to get a little uneasy. For one thing, divorce is not an option in my marriage, the word might as well not even exist. Joe and I have committed to each other 100% and we've decided that no matter what happens in life, we are going to work through it together and use the weak link that could potentially ruin the relationship that we have with each other as a learning experience that makes our marriage stronger instead. Because of this decision, and many more, I can't imagine even jokingly having a "divorce list" in my life at all.
Why compile a bunch of things to hold over your spouse's head when things are bad? Joe and I have our funny "remember when you did this" memories that we bring up from time to time, always in a lighthearted way and never as something that we still resent each other for. I guess I keep thinking about the Diaper Genie Marriage Analogy from Double the Batch that I loved so much when I read it a few weeks ago. You wouldn't pull a soiled diaper back out of the Diaper Genie or the garbage after you have disposed of it and wave it around the room, why would you do that with the "diapers" that you've gotten rid of in your marriage, no matter how disgusting they were in comparison to others? Don't do it!
If you have a disagreement or huge fight in your marriage, discuss the current issue, work through it and then move on. When you decide that divorce and/or separation or even sleeping in separate bedrooms is not an option, you will go into those less than ideal situations determined to end things on a positive note no matter what it takes. Bringing up past issues that have already been resolved will only make things worse. If you feel like there is something in the past that isn't completely settled, bring it up at a different time, like during a companion inventory, don't bring it up when things are already heated and tense.
My first thought when I saw these "divorce list" moments was that keeping a list, intentional or not, and serious or completely joking, that you would use against your spouse at any point in time is a bad idea. Be frustrated with those moments, talk through them, laugh about them later and use them to learn lessons for the future and then throw them in the dumpster. Once they're there, leave them, don't dive in after them and bring them back. And holding onto trash or "dirty diapers" like that is just a crazy idea when you think about it that way. It will only stink up your life and make it miserable.