Alright, I have a confession, I did not even think about my marriage goal last week until about Thursday when I pulled up my blog and was thinking about posting an update today. I'm sure I did it, I just didn't consciously pay attention to something awesome that my husband did each day and I know for sure that I didn't mention it to him. So, I'm taking another week for my goal, and since I make the rules here, I'm saying that it's allowed!
To add to my goal though, I just had a few thoughts. This weekend, as part of an assignment for my Family Relations class, I had to watch a 30 minute video (in ten minute segments on youtube) of a speech/lecture by relationship expert, John Gottman. I loved every single minute of it, and it got a lot of thoughts and ideas running through my mind that are so awesome! One thing in particular, I felt like worked really well with my marriage goal for last week, the one that I failed to do, and I wanted to share that thought with you.
Gottman distinguishes relationships and the people in those relationships as being either masters or disasters and he identifies qualities of each of those. He says that in disaster relationships, people have a habit of looking for their partner's mistakes when they are unhappy or annoyed to figure out what that person is doing wrong to make them feel that way. They then use the things they've found to "help" their partner become a better human being, thereby making them happier. But in master relationships, the masters are constantly looking for what is going right and appreciating those things so that they are able to build a culture of appreciation, respect and affection in every moment of their relationship.
To change my habit of mind from looking for the negative and things to correct my husband on to finding and acknowledging the positive in everything that he says or does so that I can be a master relationshiper. (I just made up relationshiper as a word.)
And I continue to spend quality time with my husband every day. This past week I even put my homework aside for a night so that we could just hang out and plan our Valentine's Day excursion. I didn't regret putting off my homework for a single second, and I didn't feel guilty for doing it either. (Having an easier semester could have a lot to do with that.) And even though my husband was bummed that he didn't get to play Command and Conquer that night while I did my homework, I don't think he minded hanging out with me either!
If you want to watch 30 minutes of awesome insight into marriage and relationships, follow the links listed below, in the order that they are listed.
What are some positive things in your relationship?