Last week I heard about wives sharing the things that they hate about their husband on more than one occasion and it really bothered me for obvious reasons. I get that marriage can sometimes be frustrating. It involves two imperfect people who make mistakes and have their own opinions, ways of doing things and quirky habits. There are bound to be things about our spouse that we don't love and adore and they probably feel the same way about you, but why do you feel the need to share those "hates" with the world? Why do you even choose to think about and focus on those things in your life at all?
What If He Said the Same About You?
Think about all of things you are saying and/or thinking about your spouse and these things that you dislike about him. How would you feel if you knew that he shared the same sentiments about you and chose to let all of his friends and people on social media about it? I would feel bad if my husband were even just thinking some of the things that I've heard some people say about their spouse. I know that I can sometimes be annoying and he doesn't appreciate all of my habits or the things that I do, but it's comforting to know that he loves me in spite of all of those things and doesn't hold them against me for any reason.
Why Do You Choose to Focus on the Negative?
The day that I heard about all of this husband negativity going around the internet, I saw a challenge on the Marriage 365 Facebook page that said, "Write down at least five positive qualities of your spouse tonight. It's up to you to share them with him/her each day, but spend time writing these qualities out and watch your heart change and soften toward your spouse."
If you are looking for the bad in your spouse or your marriage, that's all you're going to see! Like the quote said, you have to decide to look at the positive, make that choice and do whatever it takes to focus on that each day! The more you do it, the more good you will start to see in your husband and the more you will love him.
What Can You Tell Us About Him That is Good?
One of the husband bashing incidences that I kept hearing about took place on a Facebook group full of hundreds of newlywed wives. Someone had started a thread encouraging everyone to share a certain number of things that they hated about their husband. Thankfully, quite a few women call her and those participating out on that, letting them know that they shouldn't be saying anything bad about their husband to anyone ever. I am not part of the group, but know someone who was, and she had asked me how she should respond. Days later, I thought of the perfect response, a counter thread sharing all of the good things about your spouse. Similar to the thought above, positive thoughts will go along way and you will be encouraging other wives to think in the same way!
Why Did You Marry Him?
I have two thoughts on this one, the first being, if you really hate him and he bothers you that much, why are you married to him in the first place? When I chose to marry my husband, a big part of that decision was the fact that I couldn't stand to be without him and I loved him more than anything in the world, quirks and all! Especially with these newlywed wives (I believe one of the qualifications for that FB group is that you have to have been married for five years or less), if you're already finding reasons to not love your spouse, why?
My second thought with this goes along the same lines as my last two thoughts. You married that man for a reason, tell me why! Last week I shared my anti-divorce list, all of the reasons why I could never allow myself to even consider leaving Joe. Create something similar and list all of the things that you married your spouse for, I'm betting none of them were negative things like, "he never puts his socks in the laundry basket" or "he snores really loud and keeps me up for hours". Hang your list up and look at it often, especially when you're tempted to look at the negative instead. Make a good pros of being married to your husband list and don't even think about making a cons list to go with it, that's just counter productive in this case.
What would you say to someone who was bashing on their husband in your presence?