Often during the Save My Marriage Consultations I run, I get asked, "Nicola, how can I get my spouse to change or seek help?"
It is highly likely that when you start on your quest to better your marriage, you are going to run into resistance and that will most likely come from the one person you want to change - your spouse.
You will hear MANY excuses...
"We can fix this on our own"
"It's a waste of money and time."
"We are beyond help."
"Is there a point to it all?"
"I don't feel like it, my heart's not in it."
Or you could sense that your partner is not emotionally interested anymore. They are not willing to put in the effort, or worse, they don't think anything needs to change. They might think everything is ok while you are desperately unhappy with your relationship.
You are not alone in this. I get asked "HOW do I make them change?" so often. I understand your frustration, but you have to listen to the answer so that you can move forward with saving your marriage...here it is!
I know what you're thinking, "Why won't they change for me? They know how important it is to me."
It is widely believed that we are resistant to change. But this is not true. We change all the time, especially if we have chosen a new path. If you look closely, it is not change we are resistant to, but human nature to not like change when it is IMPOSED UPON US.
Take a moment to let those words sink in. When we FEEL FORCED or when we feel we are being manipulated into the change, we run a mile. Choose to make a change and we are ready to tackle it head on.
And here is the important part! They have to think change is THEIR idea. They want a great marriage too; no one wants to be miserable or in conflict; they want to change but ONLY if they can initiate it themselves.
Your partner will change when they are good and ready to change and not before. There is nothing you can do to make them. The more you push, the more they will turn away. I understand that you don't want to sit around and do nothing BUT you have to let it be their choice.
I want you to pay attention here! BACK OFF... give your spouse some breathing room and let's focus on YOUR change and how you are going to save your marriage.
So, here is what we ARE going to do... We are going to work on your change and be an inspiring example to your spouse.
"For every positive change you make in your life, something else also changes, for the better -- it creates a chain reaction." - Leon Brown
You are going to focus on making positive changes in your life that will reflect in your marriage and create a chain reaction in your partner. You will show them how your choices make YOU feel about yourself and YOUR marriage.
You will be amazed how quickly they willWANT to join you in making these changes for themselves and then you can BOTH join forces and create a happier, loving marriage together. When they make the choice, it will be ON THEIR TERMS. You are 50% of this equation and you bring 80% of the effort - so you can have a great impact.
Start today, working on being the change you want to see in them. List 3 actions you can take now to turn things around.
From my heart to yours, Nicola
P.S. Struggling in your marriage? Get the FREE report - 7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage!