The past three weeks of my life have been a major adjustment and a tiring one at that. Sometimes I wonder why I thought this no sleep, spending my days feeding a baby, changing diapers thing would be fun, but then I snuggle my little mister and talk to him while he stares up at me and makes funny faces and I remember why I wanted to be a mother. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a mother because of Mother's Day this past weekend and because of where I was emotionally a year ago.
...complete and total selflessness, putting a tiny human being's needs ahead of my own at all times.
...very little sleep and the ability to function despite the loss of any amount of sleep.
...a flexible schedule, one that I'm able to change when things happen that are out of my control.
...an endless amount of unconditional love for my child and my husband.
...lots and lots of patience, especially when I'm tired and it's the middle of the night.
...easy. In fact, it's a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be. I've cried more tears over the past three weeks than I have in a few years.
...always my favorite thing in the world. I love my new role in life and I love that little boy with all my heart, but there are times when I am exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically and find myself thinking how much more fun it would be to be doing something else at the moment.
...something that I could do alone. Joe feeds the baby at night while I pump, he's the master diaper changer, and he helps me wrangle our squirmy little man when he refuses to cooperate.
...something that I could do without the help of other people in our lives. My mom, Joe's mom, our siblings, friends and neighbors have all been a huge help to us over the past few weeks. Bringing us meals, cuddling Bensen while I get homework done, cleaning my house when I didn't have the energy. Their service has been invaluable.
...productive. Although I feel like all I do is sit around at home all day, I get less done than I did when I was in school and working full time. It's been a weird adjustment and I'm eager to get fully comfortable with my new groove.
...stressful, tiring, frustrating and keeps me on my toes but it is also the most rewarding and happy experience I've had.
...a valuable learning experience that is pushing my limits and taking me out of my comfort zone.
...happiness!! With every smile, every kiss I place on those squishy cheeks and every sweet staring contest that the two of us have; Our little guy makes both of us laugh and smile more than anything ever could.
...my greatest trial and success all wrapped up in one neat little package.
...a miracle!!! I can't even begin to fathom what my body accomplished over the last 9 months. Such a perfect, tiny little man with physical traits from both Joe and I. We created a little tiny miracle and it will never cease to amaze me.
What is/isn't motherhood to you?
Photo cred for all three images: Bouncin' Baby Photography