Fighting Fair in Marriage

At our wedding luncheon, my father-in-law asked everyone to introduce themselves, share how they knew Joe and I and share a funny story about the two of us or a piece of advice for our new marriage. Joe's brother-in-law got up and shared some advice that Joe's aunt had given them on their wedding day. It's funny advice that I'm sure everyone has heard at some point in their marriage. "When you fight, fight naked." And although we've never put that advice to use, I think we've learned a little bit about fighting in our three years of marriage and I'm sure we'll learn a lot more in years to come.

Today is Kiss and Make Up Day. It has no known origin, but I think it's a pretty great, random holiday. I wish I could tell you that all of mine and Joe's fights end with a hug and a kiss and that we walk away still loving each other, but unfortunately, that's not always the case. Honestly, I don't ever think we've "kiss and made up" at the end of a fight. One of us is usually taking advantage of bragging rights and spends the next hour rubbing in the fact that we were proven right in the argument or we're both still annoyed with each other and the argument still isn't over.

I've been thinking a lot about the way I fight my battles and the disagreements that we have in our marriage lately, because with the stress of a new house, there have been many more than I care to admit. I feel like arguments are inevitable in any relationship, you're not always going to agree on things and you won't always get along.

I would say the most important thing is what the state of your marriage looks like when you walk away from those squabbles. Are you both still fuming or have you come to some sort of agreement?

Unfortunately, I would have to raise my hand on the still fuming option more often that not, but sometimes we're somewhere in the middle where we're not still mad, but we're not completely friends again yet either. Within the hour, we're usually on good terms again.

^^ Joe wanted me to jump off this wall during engagements, I didn't want to jump, our fight made a cute picture ^^

When you disagree on something in your marriage, don't make it your goal to win. I recently heard a quote that said, "When you win an argument, you lose the peace in your marriage." If you had a goal to compromise and come to an agreement every time you started to fight, those spats would probably be less intense, and you would both leave happy instead of possibly frustrated. And in the end, it will be really plausible to consider kissing and making up!

I found this really great article, 3 Phrases to Use When Arguing with Your Spouse. You'll be glad you read it.

How do you avoid a nasty argument with your spouse?